Managing Severe Stress

How are you handling the changes that are happening in our world right now? If you are fine with them, then you probably will find this an unnecessary read. Just pass it by and live your life. If you are struggling, keep reading this blog as it is meant for you. First of all, let’s start with a self-evaluation. Take this time to go inward and pay attention to your body/mind state and how you are coping. Are you ok? Have you taken any time to go inside yourself and evaluate how you are feeling physically or are you running on empty? Are you eating well or too much or too little? Are you drinking too much alcohol, smoking too much cannabis, or taking so called “recreational” drugs to calm yourself? Are you sleeping well? Is your mind racing and unable to find a moment’s peace? Or has your mind shut down and you feel exhausted all the time? Are you going about your routine normally or are you cutting back on your normal activities? Are you isolating yourself or visiting with friends? How are your moods? Are they steady or are they see-sawing between anxiety, rage, and grief? How does your heart feel inside your chest? Does it ache like an open wound? Is it pounding or does it feel ok? What is your breathing like? Is it tense and shallow or is it deep and relaxed? Is your diaphragm constricted in self- defense, like you have taken a body blow? Where are you holding tension inside your body? Do you notice any changes in your stress levels? Do you feel grounded or is your energy living somewhere above your shoulders? Please reread this and then make some notes of your self-evaluation of all of the above and anything else you may think of for yourself, and let’s think about what your needs might be at this time. I am going to offer the process that I personally go through when I am overwhelmed or in crisis physically or emotionally. There are some helpful skill sets for self-care that I am offering to you in the form of suggestions below. I leave it to you to decide what fits for you and to disregard the rest.

If you are finding that you are struggling, now is the time to focus on just your own needs. Full stop. Yes, we all have responsibilities to others, but in order to help others we must first attend to our own wellbeing. If you have been on a jet, to put on your oxygen mask first before you help others to put on theirs is coming to mind as I type this blog. Some places to begin managing stress is to actively draw on your medical and emotional support systems. Let’s go through them together now step by step. Booking an appointment with your internist might be a first step for you, especially of you are having any physical symptoms that are concerning you. This is absolutely not the time to ignore any physical changes and a full work up is that ounce of prevention that can save a pound of cure. I don’t know about you, but my blood pressure can spike, so I make sure that I have that checked. Chocolate and caffeine can and will drive up blood pressure, and so can highway driving - ask me how I know about this one…lolo!!! A full medical workup is a definite first on the list for self-care and a full physical examination from your doctor is a start. They may ask to you have some blood work done or some other ways to evaluate your body under stress in order to complete your medical evaluation. If you don’t have one, your internist is also a good person to ask for a referral to a therapist or a psychiatrist. Talking out stress gets it out of your body, validates your feelings, and helps the mind and heart to heal. If they find that you need anti-anxiety meds, anti-depressants, or something else, take the treatments gratefully as they will help you to cope. I have learned that there may be some trial and error in finding the right medications for each person, so give it time and be what doctors call us – Patient. If you already have a therapist or a psychiatrist that you have worked with recently or in the past, you may need to think about booking a new session and have yourself reevaluated. This is not the time to tough things out as mood swings can snowball into full scale depression which is a lot harder to come back from. It’s way better to get help and, in these times or any times, there is no shame in needing and asking for help for your metal health. It could definitely shorten your recovery time and potentially save your life.

Ok, that’s the medical stuff, now let’s talk about the social aspects of self-care. If you need a week or two to get your shit together, adjust to a new medication and rest, this is a reasonable length of time to take a break from your routine. But please do reach out to the folks that you love and that love you. They need to be in the loop and aware that you are struggling so that they can stop by to boost your spirits, take you out for dinner, or get in a good walk or workout together. They don’t have to fix you – honestly, they really can’t. That is your job to work on in therapy, but they can love you and comfort you and talk about the good things in life that are still happening and gently get you involved in those good things again. If they start to try to counsel you, ad infinitum, and it clearly isn’t helping, you will need to gently take charge of the conversation. Give them a hug and tell them you love them for caring about you, and then tell them how You feel that they can best help you. Everyone always has an opinion, but no matter how well meant, they aren’t professionals and can sometimes overwhelm and overburden us when we aren’t feeling well. It this is the case for you, just change the subject and suggest going for a walk, going to a coffee shop, or anything to distract them and to protect yourself. Remember, You are the priority right now, and you get to pick what and who will help You the best in the moment. It’s not being selfish or unkind, it is just taking care of yourself at a time when you simply need to do so. Also, if someone is a known Debbie Downer, simply put them off if they want to get together. You can still be kind, but just be too busy to get together for a while. They can absolutely wait until you feel strong enough to push back on their negativity. Let them take their dark clouds elsewhere while you are vulnerable and need healing. If you need permission, I can tell you right here and now that it’s completely ok to protect yourself from people who make you feel worse anytime you are around them. Taking a solid break from them is, frankly, quite a relief, and you may even choose to keep things that way indefinitely.

The other thing I personally find helpful is to curate my social media and news consumption. The last thing I know that I need to do is to doom scroll. And I know you know what I am talking about. It literally hurts my heart to read the ugliness out in the world when I am struggling with the suffering I am feeling inside and it’s all as a result of the world around me. I prefer to listen to audio books, watch kinder, more compassionate TV programs, and only take in the smallest amount of news from my most trusted newscasters. There are quite a few on YouTube that I prefer to watch, so I will watch snippets to stay informed, but at a distance that is good for me. Another thing that can be helpful is to involve yourself in those home projects that you have been putting off. You can be productive, take care of your home, and accomplish some positive things that make you feel proud to get done.

And then there are a myriad of alternative wellness practices that you can avail yourself of, like Yoga. There is Aromatherapy, Energy Healing, Acupuncture, Meditation Classes, Spinal Flow, Massage, Cranial Sacral Work, Hypnosis, and Melt Method to name but a few. Go online and search out what feels right for you. There is a wealth of wellness practitioners out there that are trained to help when times get tough, and they are only a phone call away. Read about them, ask around, and make an appointment to try out one session to see if whatever you chose to try is right for you. I recently learned about something called NMDR that I am interested in trying. I just have to find the right person for me, and I will!

When you do start to feel a bit better, get back out there and stay involved in your community or join one that matters to you. Surround yourself with like-minded folks, those you love to be with, and just keep moving forward. Take action that serves you and your heart best!!! Winston Churchill famously said, “If you are going through Hell, keep going.” I have found this to be very sound advice and I remind myself to do so when I find that the flames are close enough to be burning my butt.

Much love to you all in these challenging times.

Namaste,

Jean 🌱