The Journey Through Loss

This is a subject so vast that I am unsure if I will do it the justice that it deserves in this blog. It really requires a library, but I will condense it as best as I can in service to all who may need to read this at this upside-down time on our Earth. I will look for the common threads of the emotions and experiences we, as human and spiritual beings, can go through.  I pray for guidance in tackling this topic, even as it has tackled me to the ground more than enough (seriously, enough already!) in my 68 years of being on this earth. My heart feels the current weight of this deep feeling of loss in our collective unconscious, and in me, as I type. But even so, I feel my family in Spirit drawing near me lifting me with their love and reminding me that it is not a permanent condition, even when it feels quite differently. Love is what lifts us up on the wings of grace in the face of great loss is what I feel they are imparting to me, even as the energy of their love supports me as I type this for all of you.

Loss comes in so many forms, large and small, it is simply impossible to enumerate them all. Losses can happen by our own intentional or unintentional actions and inactions and the intentional or unintentional actions and inactions of others. Some losses are caused by natural disasters like fires and floods. Some losses are material, like a favorite ring, or even a home from a fire. Some losses are emotional like our favorite team not making the finals or, way worse, a tragic accident taking the life of a loved one. Forgetting an appointment is a loss to both parties, losing a job can be a major loss to a family. As I said, losses come in many forms, and we all have to somehow learn to cope with them. There is no way to candy coat a loss, especially the really tough ones, but any loss can be used as grist for the mill that is the human heart, where it can be gently explored, transformed, and then used for growth.

When we learn that a loss occurs, especially an unexpected one, there is a period of shock we experience to our mind, heart, body, and soul. How long this period lasts can depend on the magnitude of the loss. We freeze in the in between of the prior reality we knew and the one that now confronts us. This surreal feeling of an internal contraction into the wound of loss and our disbelief can last for an instant, a few days, weeks, or even longer. What we knew has been abruptly changed, and our minds and hearts try to make sense of this disconnect from what used to be real to an unexpected, new reality that has an empty place in it. If it is a major loss, this can be a very bleak and deeply wounding time. Our hearts can feel like there is an aching hole throbbing in our chests from the mourning we feel from the loss. And the greater the loss, the deeper it cuts into our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. Our minds and hearts can rebel from even considering the new circumstances, preferring to buffer and descend into a state of weighty depression to protect us from feeling the full force of the loss all at once. Some of us can be overwhelmed and physically collapse around the pain of a terrible loss until we are able to lift ourselves up out of that haze of darkness. There are some of us who tend to intellectualize and or rationalize away a loss. Some blame it on others. Some reject it, avoid it, or deny their feelings and even the new reality. These are ways that we can intentionally or unintentionally prevent ourselves from doing the hard work of emotionally processing what has actually happened. And some of us simply do not feel loss as deeply as others do or have been through so much loss, we have learned our own ways to cope or not cope with one more.  

So how do we cope after a loss? Well, for one, there are spiritual teachings in all the great religions of the many people and cultures that have existed upon this world. I have felt drawn to many of them in different ways, so I will share a few that have helped me on my journey through losses in this lifetime. Maybe they will help you in some small way? The Buddhists have the concept of releasing any attachment to the outcome of life events, and a sort of tender acceptance of the realities of life. These thoughtful perspectives enable them to process and then move through suffering from loss, that from where I sit, and have sat, is worthy of learning. It is a kind of sad wisdom of knowing and understanding how the human mind and heart respond to the difficult times in life, loss included. Their teachings, practices and meditations offer a way through a period of suffering that helps them remain more stable facing into or to find balance again in what is an unpredictable Life. I am aware that I am oversimplifying a beautiful philosophy and religion here, but there is only love, respect, and no small measure of awe for the strength and wisdom that is Buddhism. Then, from my childhood, Christianity for me had its beauty in prayers for divine assistance and quiet contemplation in a pew at church or in the peace of my room at home. It is a practice I still use and find very affective. In my spiritual, Energy Healing work, I have connected with the energies of angels, ascended masters, and our Creator for channeling spiritual healing for others and for myself many, many times. This has been of the greatest significance, support, and an actual, tactile connection to the reality of the Mystery of Creation for me and for those I have helped. It has also given me glimpses behind the proscenium arch of life, opened my heart wider with love and understanding, and filled me with wonder and joy. It still does. My Evidential Psychic Mediumship has connected me to loved ones of my own, and to those of many others, who have transitioned from this existence to a spiritual, energetic one. I have even had the gift of grace of literally feeling a soul expand as it left its earthly body. I do not have the words to explain how this experience has changed my perception. Maybe life changing comes close? Finally, I am also, distantly, part Indigenous American and I have always found my deep connection to the Earth and her beauty very healing to my heart and soul. I am not as familiar to the mysteries of my indigenous, spiritual roots, but there is an undeniable connection in my heart that draws me towards them and to our beautiful planet. My point in sharing my experiences with you is that Spirituality is real, and it is tangible to the heart, mind, body, and soul. How you lean into it during periods of loss can help you to heal those wounds and carry you through the darkest times of life. It does in mine. 

At the same time, on the less esoteric side of life, we can use tools of exercise, healthy food, psychotherapy, prescribed medications, spiritual counseling, being in community, friends, and family. Here, we can create and find moments of happiness to rebuild ourselves and remind us of what we still have in the face of loss. It may seem from the depths of a loss that there is no movement forward. That we are frozen in time. But if we allow ourselves these glimmers that I call seeds of hope, we can move the energy of loss through the transformative process of the stages of grief. Then, we can accept and release what was and accept what our new reality has become. Then, we have the choice to expand again, empower ourselves and to engage more fully within “the new”. By taking these small actions after a loss, we send a signal of healing to our minds and hearts that can spark hope within us once again. We can begin to see more clearly and find new solutions with better outcomes for ourselves. The wounds of loss can blind us while we were deeply grieving or in shock. When we finally choose to get off the couch and start moving, talking smaller and then bigger steps, we can literally move through the pain of loss until it is in our rearview mirrors. However, if you find that you still are seriously depressed after an extended period of time, there is a telephone hotline that you can dial, 988, to get counseling and I encourage you to do so right now.

From a psychological standpoint, a particular loss, or a string of closely occurring losses, can really hammer anyone down. We are human beings, and we all have our breaking points. When we do hit a wall and slide down it, it is time to be very gentle, loving, patient, kind, and compassionate with ourselves. It is also time to get counseling from a qualified professional. I know from my own experience what it feels like to be gutted by a long string of familial deaths, the loss of a home, a natural disaster, the pandemic, the loss of my civil rights, and wars. I have also lived long enough to let the smaller, day to day losses run off my back like water, and to forgive the human frailties in myself and in others a lot faster than I used to. But there are still times when I am brought to my knees by loss and when I need to curl into myself from the weight and wounding of it. If my moods start to swing widely, it is also a time when I seek professional help. This is part of being human and I won’t kid you. It really, really sucks going through it, and sometimes, it’s hard work transforming the darkness into light. But when I take the time to feel it and to it heal it, I rise transformed and stronger for it. I have found therapy as well as the right medications to be extremely helpful. I have found the love of my friends and family invaluable. I have found my spiritual communities places of love, respite, and healing. I will make time to meditate even more, and while I do, my loving and very patient angels and guides blend their loving energies with mine, restoring me as they do. This Earth we live on has times for each of us that can be extremely challenging, and these periods of loss and change can be very painful. The tough ones are often referred to as the “dark nights of the soul” and they are times for journeying inward, healing, and personal evolution. Losses happen to us all, and it is my hope that this blog helps you to remember to love yourselves on the way through them. There is life, love, and joy after deep loss and unwanted change. Please maintain loving kindness for yourselves and lots of compassion. Be patient and allow it to take however much time that it takes for you to find your way through the grief. It will eventually pass, and you will find happiness growing with every seed of hope that you plant to light your way.

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be well. May you feel at peace.

Namaste,

Jean 🌱